What do you do when you just can’t stand a co-worker?
The easy answer is to quit, but for most people quitting just isn’t an option
Here’s a quick guide on how to deal with a boss or co-worker who is making your life miserable:
- Figure out whether your issue is with the co-worker or whether you real frustration is that you’re unhappy with your job.
- If the cause of your unhappiness is indeed your co-worker, assess how important that person is to your daily work. If you interact with him/her regularly and you need him/her to get your job done, then you’ve got an issue to deal with (which we will discuss further below). But if that person is peripheral to your job, then it may be worth sucking it up, keeping communication to a minimum, and going about your daily work.
- If you assess that the person is essential to your job, and is unlikely to change, go ahead and look for a new job. Life it too short to stick with an untenable situation. It might feel like you can’t move but short term pain can be better than long term suffering. Long term in a job that makes you unhappy will likely impact your self esteem. If you can, wait until you’ve landed a new position before handing in your resignation!
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If you choose to stay, learn to cope:
- Learn to argue constructively. Keep it objective. Avoid making it personal by taking the emotion out of a message. For further advice on constructive conflict, check out our last blog.
- Avoid email badminton. If it’s a sensitive issue or important conversation, do it in person or voice to voice. It is common for people to choose to conduct more contentious conversations over email in order to avoid uncomfortable face to face interaction with the other party. The problem with this approach is that it can turn into a back-and-forth argument over email that is not resolved or that escalates. Rule of thumb: if you’ve gone back and forth unproductively over email more than once, pick up the phone or pay the co-worker a visit to discuss in person.
- Find support. Look for support and recognition from a mentor, coach or co-worker (and avoid bad-mouthing the co-worker.
- Build your network. Make sure people know the good work you’re doing. Surround yourself with people who make you feel positive as much as you can.
For more on this topic, check out the book Career Warfare.
