The Third Thing.
A really smart person once told me, "When someone comes into your office, it is always the third thing."
It is not the first thing. It is not the second thing. It is the third thing.
Here's the scenario. Someone is lurking outside your door. They want to speak to you. You put down whatever you are doing and invite them in. You wait. They ask you about your weekend. They ask a question about a project. You know they know the answer to the question. You answer it. They say the "third thing". If you are listening, it is the thing that matters. It is the reason they wanted to see you.
Often what happens after the "third thing" is nothing. You miss it and wonder what the heck they wanted anyway.
Why do you miss it? You mind is wandering because they don't seem to have anything important to say. You are busy and have work to do. They often express the "third thing" really softly. It will be floated out. It won't be direct. It will be difficult to notice.
Here's what should happen.
Stop. Notice it is really why they came to your office. Ask lots of questions about the "third thing." Engage in a real problem solving conversation about the "third thing."
Why does this happen?
First, it doesn't always. Some people are very direct and will come in and tell you what they want. It could also be the second or fourth thing but it won't be the first for many people.
Why? If it really matters to them, it is usually hard to say. They may be afraid of your reaction. They see you as the boss and may be unsure if they can ask for what they really want. They are not totally sure of the problem. How can they be unsure of their own problem? They sense something is bothering them but to truly be clear they need to express the problem out loud, dicuss it with someone, examine it, hear another opinion.
The "third thing" is a simple coaching concept. If you use it, you will without a doubt retain and develop your staff better than if you let the "third thing" slide by.
