If you accept imperfection in yourself, you can accept it in others.
Several years ago I worked with a client who set very high standards for his people. Anyone who didn’t meet his standards heard from him. If his staff sent out work that was below his expectations, he would bring them into his office and itemize all that was wrong with their work. People would float into his office with a question and if the question wasn’t well thought out, he would interrupt and say, “You clearly haven’t done your homework. Come back and ask me again when you have.” If people took too long to explain their position he would lean back in his chair, cross his arms and sigh loudly. Needless to say, some people were frightened of him. Many of you may know someone like this and might wonder where this comes from. Here’s what I learned about him and about many others just like him.
He was so hard on others because he was very hard on himself. You can’t always see this but trust me – it is often the case. If this client made a mistake, he would agonize about it for days. Thinking things like, “How could I be so stupid to as missed that? Why wasn’t I better prepared? Why aren’t I more detailed?” His staff would likely have been quite surprised to know that.
In our coaching relationship, I helped him to be nicer to himself. He learned to be more comfortable with his own imperfection and he learned to stop beating himself up. Then the miracle happened, he allowed everyone some imperfection and he started to be nicer to his team. People were no longer afraid.
