How do you know if someone is going to respond to coaching?
"How do you know if someone is going to respond to coaching?" I have been asked this question by several clients this week. Three people asked if it was "too late" for someone who has been exhibiting "toxic" behaviors for 20 plus years. I applaud this question. It takes courage to ask it. Almost everyone thinks it. The answer is a most definite, "It is never too late, depending on the person, their coach, and the timing."
People want to know if they invest in coaching (either through an external coach or by taking the time to really coach someone themselves), how long will it take? How will they know if it will be successful? Fair questions. Coaching, if done right, is time consuming. Whether you do it yourself or ask an external coach to help you, this time can be costly.
Here are my thoughts on this question. There are two components -- how long? How do you know it will be successful? Both are dependent upon three things.
How do you know if coaching will be successful? The answer is simply, "you don't". People aren't widgets and their behavior can't be predicted. However, there are some things to look for to increase your chance of success.
The first thing to look for is how well the person accepts responsibility for themselves. If something goes wrong, do they openly look at their role in the event? Do they accept responsibility or cast blame? If you give them feedback do they listen or do they argue? Do they ask for feedback fairly regularly? Do you see them make changes in their behavior based upon feedback? If, most of the time, they accept responsibility and are open to act upon feedback then the chance of success for coaching is quite high (and the time will be relatively less). If they tend not to take responsibility or accept feedback well, coaching is more difficult and will be more time consuming but can still be successful if the person is motivated.
The second important component is "timing". Timing is good for coaching when the person is motivated . The person is motivated when either they really want to make some changes or when it has been strongly suggested that they change by their boss. Success is higher in the first instance (they ask for help). Both will work if the boss is good has delivered direct and clear feedback in a supportive manner.
I will tell a story here to demonstrate what I mean by "really wanting to change". Several years ago, I was asked by a client to coach one of his senior people. This person was in her 50s. We'll call her Alice. Alice had worked in several different organizations. She was extremely bright and extremely deep technically. She tended to have difficult relationships with peers and direct reports. Alice was tough on people. People preferred not to work with her. Some were afraid of her reactions which could be quite unpredictable and quite aggressive. I thought, "great, this will be a tough one!" This coaching assignment remains as one of my favorites. Why? Because it was a success and I wasn't at all sure it would be. The main reason was that the timing was right for Alice. Alice was tired of moving from organization to organization. She really wanted to make her current organization work. She was doing some new things in her personal life (becoming less focused on work) and she was really ready for a change. Timing for Alice was exactly right. She was motivated. Alice now leads quite a large team, quite successfully. She will probably finish her career in her current organization.
Finally, the coach is important. Most people focus on the "fit" between the coach and the client (or subordinate if it is an internal coaching relationship). Fit is important but not the only thing. The coach must be knowledgeable in the business they are working in. They must be respected by the client (or subordinate) and be able to challenge them. The right coach should employ others in the process. People usually need help to change old habits. A good coach gathers good feedback on a regular basis from others who see the client's (or subordinate's) work. A good coach encourages the client (or subordinate) to enlist others in his or her change journey by asking for help or feedback themselves.
