Are you really REALLY listening?
Or are you just talking? A neighbour came to me a few weeks ago to ask my input on an issue that affected both of us. After speaking for several minutes, it became obvious to me that he was less interested in my opinion than he was in convincing me that his opinion was the right one. As you have probably guessed, our opinions on the matter were different.
So now what? I am annoyed. My feeling is "why ask if you have already decided?" I think less of him now than I would have if he had not asked and gone ahead with what he wanted to do. I see him as insensitive and insincere.
All this got me thinking about leadership. (Something I do a lot!) Leaders today understand that the best way to implement any major change is to get buy- in from key stake holders in the decision.
Here's a little lesson in buy-in courtesy of my neighbour. If you go into a discussion unprepared to change your opinion, you are better off not asking and just going ahead with the decision. When clients ask me about obtaining buy-in around change I usually ask, "Are you OK if they say "No" to your proposed change?" If the answer to that question is "No", then I suggest that they don't ask for opinions on the change. Instead I suggest they tell the stake holder what the change is and why it is important. The leader should ask for the stake holder's support and make it clear that the decision has been made. The leader can obtain input on how the stake holder can help but not on the decision itself. Asking for input when you are not prepared to change your approach reflects poorly on you and creates greater resistance to change. You are better off not asking and going ahead.
One caveat to this..... If the stake holder can quash your decision you need a different approach! If that's the case read my next blog.
