Welcome to the big leagues and don’t take it personally.
I just left a meeting with a talented young woman. She is about a year into her first real leadership role. She is passionate about her team and about what she wants to accomplish. She is bright and energetic. Any organization would be happy to have her. There is one small “hitch”. This woman is getting “hammered” (her words) by one of her colleagues. Her colleague is an older man. This man takes every opportunity to criticize her to anyone who will listen. She is tired and frustrated and is wondering if she is cut out for leadership. The problems with this colleague have gotten worse over the past few weeks. He has taken his criticism to the highest level in the organization. Her question to me, “Why doesn’t he just do his job and leave me alone?”
I have worked with a number of other women who have had some similar experiences—different people, different details but the same basic story—young woman leader feeling bullied by an older male colleague or boss.
I have been thinking about why. Each woman I have worked with has what I call a “big” personality. Each can be direct and outspoken. Each is a high achiever and each can be easily hurt through criticism. These traits make these women more of a “target” for the bad behaviour of others. The more successful they are, the more they are noticed. The more sensitive to criticism, the more likely they are to be bullied. What can these women do about it?
“Don’t let them hurt you”. (a quote from one of these women)
You can’t control them. You can only control you. Complaining about their behaviour in an organizational setting is risky and rarely works. Recognize that sometimes people are bullies and that life is not always fair. Don’t take the behaviour of others personally and don’t ever let someone else make you feel inadequate. If you are able to do that you will become more personally powerful and less of a target. The bullying will likely stop.
Filed under:
new leaders,
women leaders
Sandra Oliver - February 10, 2010
