Persuasion Part Two
I go to the "Master" for this blog. A client asked me for a book on persuasion a few days ago. I didn't have one. I asked some of my contacts. I got a few ideas but no one raved about any one book. So, I went to the web and "goolged" "persuasion". Who's name should come up? Dale Carnegie. "How to Win Friends and Influence People." First published in 1936.
Carnegie is still the master of advice on influencing people. You certainly won't agree with all of his advice but it is worth reminding yourself of the really great things he taught. Here are some of my favorites.
Don't argue. Ever. You can't win and if you win, you lose. Instead,
- "Listen first. Don't interrupt, resist, defend, or debate.
- Look for areas of agreement.
- Promise to think over your opponents' ideas and study them carefully. Mean it. They may be right. Don't let them have the opportunity to say, "We tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen."
- Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. In taking the time to disagree with you, your opponent is showing that they are interested in the same things you are."
Think about what the other person really wants. Seems obvious. Take the time to do it.
- "Why talk about what we want? Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want. So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it."
Don't use "but". I hear it all of the time. People saying "your project was really great, but"...... No one ever remembers the part about the project being great. What comes after the "but" feels like a kick to the head. You can give people criticism and still influence them to do better. Instead of using "but" say, "You did a great job on that project. Your planning was great. The report was excellent. On the next project, I'd like you to also focus on your communication to all of the project sponsors throughout the project." No "but" anywhere.
Say thank-you a lot. Here's the story. Your teenage daughter finally takes out the garbage. You are thinking, "It is about time." "It is her job. I'm not going to acknowledge something she's supposed to do as part of her chores." If you want to influence her to do it again, you don't say these things. You say "thank-you". Appreciation is powerful. It makes people want to do things.
For more on Dale here's a link to a book summary and the Dale Carnegie website.
Filed under:
influencing
Sandra Oliver - March 31, 2008
