Blog Articles about Feedback
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March 19, 2010
You cannot control anyone but yourself.
One of my clients is struggling with a meeting he plans with one of his senior staff people next week. This staff person has been difficult in the past. Meetings are always fine but have no impact. The staff person agrees with whatever feedback is offered and agrees to take action. That same staff person then proceeds to do whatever he wants which of course does not include what my client has asked him to do. My client is the “boss”. He runs the practice this staff person works in.
To further complicate matters, the staff person is mediocre. He is not awful. What should my client do?
January 27, 2010
Just be honest
Give the true reasons for your decisions and the feedback that goes with those decisions. When I say “just be honest”, it makes you think doesn’t it? Are you being honest or do you say things that you hope will preserve feelings?
A couple of clients have recently ended their coaching relationships with me. This is a normal occurrence. It happens regularly. I always ask for feedback at the end of all coaching relationships and did so this time. One client took the time to call me and give me some good detailed feedback—things he liked about the coaching and things he didn’t. I found really helpful and it raised my opinion of him even more.
The other client took the easy route—no real feedback. My feelings aren’t spared. I am left feeling a sense of dissatisfaction and almost unfinished business. “Did I do something wrong or was it just time?”
I’d really like to know.
January 11, 2010
Don’t you hate it when someone you know offers free advice?
We all hate getting advice. Even if it is good advice. It is somehow condescending. Is it because parents tend to dole out advice about 100 times a day? Does it make us feel like children? Probably.
Given this, it is interesting and somewhat ironic that there is so much free advice around—blogs, articles, Oprah. This decade will certainly be remembered as one of free advice. Somehow getting advice from people we don’t know is OK. These people seem more like experts—somehow smarter than us.
I am frankly tired of reading and listening to all the free advice, even from people I don’t know. So, I pick my spots. In order for me to take your free advice, you need to really be an expert and a recognized expert. How do I know? I don’t always. I look for people who have extensive education or experience and highly successful track records. They must know more than me about a subject.
If you successfully ran a large company for many years or if you did your Ph d in business and are a member of an esteemed faculty, I am interested in your advice. Quite simply you must know more than I do. I am not interested in advice from people who are merely good at marketing themselves (unless I want advice about marketing myself).
September 29, 2009
Five questions.
Yes it’s true. My best ideas often come from clients. Here’s a great idea one client shared with me recently.
This particular client has a rather difficult boss. Her boss likes to find ways to assert his power with my client. He regularly calls her into his office to tell her what she has done wrong. He will cut her off and correct her in meetings. He has restricted her decision making power to the point where she has to ask his approval to “buy a pencil”. Fun eh?
What has she been doing all of this time? Well my client is no shrinking violet. She has been confronting him with her concerns. The situation has worsened.
When I talked to her last week she had a new strategy. She calls it “five questions”. Rather than reacting when he does something to upset her, she instead forces herself to ask him five questions and they have to be real questions. They cannot be questions like, “what the =#**#@ do you think you are doing?” The questions she asks are real questions—clarifying questions, like, “Help me understand what you mean when you say that…”
It’s a brilliant little technique. As she is thinking of five questions, she is not getting angry. When she asks the questions she disarms her boss as he thinks about his answer. They have better conversations.
My client may not stay in her current situation but while she is there, it will be a little less difficult for her.
September 16, 2009
K.I.S.S.
Keep it short _______. Yes I know the saying is “Keep it simple ________.” (I’ll let you fill in the blank - we try and avoid that word in our house).
This is a short simple blog about feedback. Keep all feedback short and simple. Don’t drone on. Don’t make excuses. Don’t try to discuss the underlying issues. Long conversations too often result in a lack of clarity for the person recieving the feedback.
Here’s an example of good K.I.S.S.feedback:
February 09, 2009
Sometimes Giving Feedback Causes Sleepless Nights
Some of my most difficult nights have been caused by thinking about tough feedback I need to deliver to someone. I worry about how to say it. I worry about if I am right. I worry about their reaction. I get angry. I don't sleep. You would think that given that I am a coach, feedback would always be easy for me. Sometimes it is easier than other times. So I got thinking this morning (after one of those sleepless nights) why is it sometimes so difficult? Here's what I came up with.
November 04, 2008
Performance Management is so yesterday
Think about it. Even the words "performance management" are kind of off putting. Begging the question "Who are you to manage my performance?". I have always disliked the performance management process. I say this, even though as an HR professional early in my career, I helped put in place many performance management systems.
November 21, 2007
Feedback is not positive or negative. It is information.
Feedback is merely information. Without it, you are in the dark. Few people are good at receiving it. Few people are good at giving it. Both are skills that can be developed.
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