Blog Articles about Coaching
April 05, 2010
Commitment brings contentment. Commitment comes with the acceptance of imperfection.
In my last blog I celebrated the return of loyalty to work. According to Towers Watson people are becoming more interested in staying with one employer for life. If people are more committed to their employer, they will be happier at work.
How can you be happier if you are stuck with one employer?
You will be happier because you will no longer be searching for perfection. There are no perfect employers. Organizations are full of people and people can be difficult at times.
March 19, 2010
You cannot control anyone but yourself.
One of my clients is struggling with a meeting he plans with one of his senior staff people next week. This staff person has been difficult in the past. Meetings are always fine but have no impact. The staff person agrees with whatever feedback is offered and agrees to take action. That same staff person then proceeds to do whatever he wants which of course does not include what my client has asked him to do. My client is the “boss”. He runs the practice this staff person works in.
To further complicate matters, the staff person is mediocre. He is not awful. What should my client do?
February 23, 2010
I nailed it and it was liberating!
A client called me this week. She had just finished a meeting with her boss. In the past several months her boss has been bullying her (she is one of the women I talked about in my last blog).
She said to me:
“I walked in to the meeting and I thought to myself, “I am a peer of this man and I am not going to let him push me around.”
I sat down across from him and we had our meeting. I was brilliant and it was liberating. I challenged him when I didn’t agree. I stood up for myself. I wasn’t defensive. I didn’t argue. I did what we discussed. I was factual, clear and focused and it felt great!”
Enough said.
February 02, 2010
It isn’t you.
Some people just make you feel uncomfortable. Some people make almost everyone feel uncomfortable. These people thrive on chaos. You probably know some people like this—probably in senior roles. I have several clients like this. I used to worry about it. I don’t now. I recognize it is not about my ability to coach. It is about this person’s style.
Some people gain power, stay personally protected, and get results by knocking other people off balance in conversation. It is a habit they have honed and perfected over time. It is a habit that works for them.
The only way to deal with someone like this is to recognize it and then not let it bother you. Period. That’s all you can do.
How do you recognize it? Notice if you leave almost every interaction with this person feeling somehow inadequate yourself. Ask others if they have the same experience with this person. If the answer is “yes”, it isn’t you.
September 16, 2009
K.I.S.S.
Keep it short _______. Yes I know the saying is “Keep it simple ________.” (I’ll let you fill in the blank - we try and avoid that word in our house).
This is a short simple blog about feedback. Keep all feedback short and simple. Don’t drone on. Don’t make excuses. Don’t try to discuss the underlying issues. Long conversations too often result in a lack of clarity for the person recieving the feedback.
Here’s an example of good K.I.S.S.feedback:
May 25, 2009
The Sixty Percent Leader.
I was inspired to write this blog by a meeting with one particular client but I have to say that I had similar conversations with many people all week. Funny how lots of people seem to be thinking the same things at the same time.
This client was frustrated with the shortcomings of one of the leaders in his organization and spent a good part of the meeting complaining about the mistakes this leader had made. Rightly so, the leader is not perfect.
But who is perfect and why do we expect our leaders to be perfect? I'd like to suggest that there are two reasons for our high expectations. One, management literature has done a disservice to all of us in setting up standards around the "perfect leader". We all look for a leader who is inspirational and personally attractive to us. We look for a leader who knows what to do in every situation.
Two, there may be an answer rooted in psychology. We put leaders on pedestals and then are disappointed when they don't measure up. Sound like any teenagers you know? Sometimes when I listen to clients it reminds of Eric Bern and his theory of Transactional Analysis. He says we can analyze our transactions and determine if we are in either Parent-Child or Adult-Adult relationships with our peers. Our disappointment with leaders is much more closely aligned with Parent-Child than it is with Adult-Adult. An angry child might say to a parent "You let me down. You didn't give me what I wanted." An Adult relationship would look more like "Help me understand why you decided to implement this decision." Adult relationships according to Bern are relationships where both parties learn from one another.
There are probably other reasons for this "leader on a pedestal" phenomena. However, if you follow this blog, you'll know that the "why" for me is less important than the "what are you going to do about it?"
Here is what my client is going to do about it. Every time he feels frustrated with the inadequacies of leaders, he is going to think the following, "Sixty percent is good enough." Why did we pick sixty percent? It reminds us both that people (and leaders) are not perfect. Eighty percent seems too close to perfect. It also reminds us that leadership of a large group of people is complex and constantly changing. I work with a large number of very smart people. Not even a very smart person knows the right thing to do in every situation.
Sound like my standards aren't high enough? Maybe, but last time I checked leading an organization is very complex and no one, not even a leader, is perfect.
February 09, 2009
Sometimes Giving Feedback Causes Sleepless Nights
Some of my most difficult nights have been caused by thinking about tough feedback I need to deliver to someone. I worry about how to say it. I worry about if I am right. I worry about their reaction. I get angry. I don't sleep. You would think that given that I am a coach, feedback would always be easy for me. Sometimes it is easier than other times. So I got thinking this morning (after one of those sleepless nights) why is it sometimes so difficult? Here's what I came up with.
December 15, 2008
A Holiday Gift from IMPACT
What can we at IMPACT give you for the holidays? How about time and perspective? Wouldn't that be nice? IMPACT can't give you these things but we can help you get them.
December 02, 2008
Change is good. Even when it is bad.
Some would call me "the eternal optimist". In fact, I think I am.
I wake up early every morning, sit and read the paper look on the bright side. I love what I do. IMPACT is an organization of coaches who do really great work. I am really proud of the work we do. We have a diverse set of clients who seem to appreciate our work. I think about these things and I think, "We will be fine. Just keep focusing on quality work and stay in the market."
This morning I woke up and felt tired and frankly almost battered. The current Canadian political situation (there is a crisis of confidence in our current minority government) has tipped me over the edge. It is very difficult to remain an optimist in the face of relentless, negative press on the front page of the paper.
I am happy to report my exhaustion and pessimism was short lived. By the afternoon today, the optimist is back.
I read an article this afternoon from McKinsey and it helped me move back to the "bright side". This article reminded me of something I already knew but really needed to reminded of. Change is an opportunity even when it is bad. How is it an opportunity? Change "unfreezes the status quo" and is an opportunity to do what you've always wanted to do and fix what you've always wanted to fix. (See Kotter's 8 step change model for more on this)
November 16, 2008
Compensation is always a trade-off.
Once you come to terms with the fact that compensation is always a trade-off and never perfect, you are released from trying to justify compensation decisions. Wouldn't it be wonderful not to have to justify? I have coached many people on how to handle tough compensation discussions. It is rarely rewarding for either party.
In my last blog, "Performance Management is so Yesterday", I talked about how current performance management systems sap motivation and are often "widely inaccurate". I suggested changing to a true "coaching and development model". In this model conversations are frequent and focused on support and problem solving and not on assessment and ratings.
This blog resulted in lots of comments -- the vast majority of comments were supportive. Here's a sample.
"People are tired of the way we do performance management. It is cumbersome and the conversations are difficult." "It is unheard-of for the hockey coach to play his team for half the season and then sit down and spend an hour telling each player what he or she did right and what needs to be improved. He needs to be talking to his whole team and each of his players continuously."
I share this hockey analogy comment because it highlights how ludicrous our current approach is. I'll continue with this analogy as I move into the next question to be answered-- "if we can't rate them, how do we pay them?"
