Five questions.
Yes it’s true. My best ideas often come from clients. Here’s a great idea one client shared with me recently.
This particular client has a rather difficult boss. Her boss likes to find ways to assert his power with my client. He regularly calls her into his office to tell her what she has done wrong. He will cut her off and correct her in meetings. He has restricted her decision making power to the point where she has to ask his approval to “buy a pencil”. Fun eh?
What has she been doing all of this time? Well my client is no shrinking violet. She has been confronting him with her concerns. The situation has worsened.
When I talked to her last week she had a new strategy. She calls it “five questions”. Rather than reacting when he does something to upset her, she instead forces herself to ask him five questions and they have to be real questions. They cannot be questions like, “what the =#**#@ do you think you are doing?” The questions she asks are real questions—clarifying questions, like, “Help me understand what you mean when you say that…”
It’s a brilliant little technique. As she is thinking of five questions, she is not getting angry. When she asks the questions she disarms her boss as he thinks about his answer. They have better conversations.
My client may not stay in her current situation but while she is there, it will be a little less difficult for her.
Sandra Oliver - September 29, 2009
Filed under:
situational coaching,
workplace,
influencing,
feedback
Sandra Oliver
Sandra Oliver Sandra Oliver is a leadership coach and consultant with more than 17 years experience in Corporate HR leadership roles. Her expertise includes change management and succession planning. Sandra is the founder of IMPACT Consulting Inc.
Comments (2)
1
Hi Sandra, I read your 5 Questions post. Great coping strategy during the “heat of the moment”. I was just curious whether your client continues to stay in her current position or if she has moved on to another organization. Putting myself in her shoes, I would be faced with a couple decisions - either I change my attitude towards my boss, or if I cannot do that I need to change my position within the organization (and outside of my current boss’ reporting line) or if the previous two options are not feasible, I need to change organizations. My hunch is that long term her boss’ actions may have the cumulative effect of reducing or eliminating or job satisfaction to a point where her engagement is low to none. Perhaps part of her 5 questions should involve the SBI method that you taught to many of us at my firm. At least that way she could attempt to address her boss’ behaviour or at least make him aware of the impact of his behaviour. If he still doesn’t change, then at least she tried to leave the organization better than when she found it.
J
By J (from a big 4 firm) on January 20, 2010
2
J, She is still there and to my knowledge doing well. You are right with delivering feedback to the boss (SBI). I believe that this boss didn’t take the feedback to heart. She decided to stay and to find a way to not let him affect her. It seems to be working.
By Sandra Oliver on February 02, 2010