The IMPACT Blog
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March 04, 2010
Don’t ever argue ever.
This is a quote from Dale Carnegie.
Here’s the deal. If you argue and you win, the other person is angry. If you argue and you lose, you appear ineffective. If you agree to disagree chances are you are both angry.
There is no upside to arguing. Ever.
February 23, 2010
I nailed it and it was liberating!
A client called me this week. She had just finished a meeting with her boss. In the past several months her boss has been bullying her (she is one of the women I talked about in my last blog).
She said to me:
“I walked in to the meeting and I thought to myself, “I am a peer of this man and I am not going to let him push me around.”
I sat down across from him and we had our meeting. I was brilliant and it was liberating. I challenged him when I didn’t agree. I stood up for myself. I wasn’t defensive. I didn’t argue. I did what we discussed. I was factual, clear and focused and it felt great!”
Enough said.
February 10, 2010
Welcome to the big leagues and don’t take it personally.
I just left a meeting with a talented young woman. She is about a year into her first real leadership role. She is passionate about her team and about what she wants to accomplish. She is bright and energetic. Any organization would be happy to have her. There is one small “hitch”. This woman is getting “hammered” (her words) by one of her colleagues. Her colleague is an older man. This man takes every opportunity to criticize her to anyone who will listen. She is tired and frustrated and is wondering if she is cut out for leadership. The problems with this colleague have gotten worse over the past few weeks. He has taken his criticism to the highest level in the organization. Her question to me, “Why doesn’t he just do his job and leave me alone?”
February 09, 2010
Look for IMPACT in the Globe and Mail today.
Yesterday a Globe and Mail reporter called me and ask if she could interview me about risk. She was interested in leaders motivating their teams to take risks given the New Orleans’ Saints recent Superbowl win.
This reporter wanted to know how a leader can help his team follow him (or her) when the leader makes a risky decision. I said a number of things. First, good leaders are transparent and help their people understand the options considered and why the perceived risky path was taken. People usually need to understand the leader’s thinking in order to be supportive. Second, good leaders work with their teams. They focus on the people who are comfortable with the risk and ready to move forward and they involve those people in the change by asking for their help. Good leaders also allow those who need more time some of that extra time —within reason. Finally risks happen in a “safe” environment. If people know the leader “has their back” by really owning the risky decision, they will be more likely to embrace the risk.
February 06, 2010
Beware the Second Wave
This week I spoke with four people who have lost faith in their organizations. All four are successful. All four have very valuable and difficult to replace skill sets and business contacts. All four are feeling disaffected and not supported. All four are in different organizations.
These four people weathered the recession quite successfully. They came out of the other side of that recession tunnel, looked around and were disappointed. People they cared about had left their organization. There are new leaders and they don’t like them all. There is a new strategy and they are not at all sure it is right.
These four people may be part of the second wave. The first wave of change happened last year as most organizations restructured in response to the recession. For most organizations these changes resulted in planned terminations.
The second wave is when you lose your best people. They stuck it out and they are not sure they like what they see. Beware.
February 02, 2010
It isn’t you.
Some people just make you feel uncomfortable. Some people make almost everyone feel uncomfortable. These people thrive on chaos. You probably know some people like this—probably in senior roles. I have several clients like this. I used to worry about it. I don’t now. I recognize it is not about my ability to coach. It is about this person’s style.
Some people gain power, stay personally protected, and get results by knocking other people off balance in conversation. It is a habit they have honed and perfected over time. It is a habit that works for them.
The only way to deal with someone like this is to recognize it and then not let it bother you. Period. That’s all you can do.
How do you recognize it? Notice if you leave almost every interaction with this person feeling somehow inadequate yourself. Ask others if they have the same experience with this person. If the answer is “yes”, it isn’t you.
January 27, 2010
Just be honest
Give the true reasons for your decisions and the feedback that goes with those decisions. When I say “just be honest”, it makes you think doesn’t it? Are you being honest or do you say things that you hope will preserve feelings?
A couple of clients have recently ended their coaching relationships with me. This is a normal occurrence. It happens regularly. I always ask for feedback at the end of all coaching relationships and did so this time. One client took the time to call me and give me some good detailed feedback—things he liked about the coaching and things he didn’t. I found really helpful and it raised my opinion of him even more.
The other client took the easy route—no real feedback. My feelings aren’t spared. I am left feeling a sense of dissatisfaction and almost unfinished business. “Did I do something wrong or was it just time?”
I’d really like to know.
January 21, 2010
Not sure if you have what it takes? Good!
One of my clients is just starting a big change initiative. She said to me, “I really wonder if I have what it takes to get this done. I’d only be this honest to you. But I really wonder if I can pull this off.”
I listened, paused and then I said, “Good. I think those feelings are normal.”
I’m sure she can do it. I’m glad she’s worried. She’ll be better with that level of self awareness. It is normal to worry about your ability to do something difficult just as you start to do it.
Creating real change is a ton of work for everyone involved. My client knows it and she needs to be ready for it. There will be times in the middle of the change journey when she will question everything – she’ll need to remember the beginning and why she committed herself to this path. When she does that, she’ll be proud she took on something really difficult.
January 14, 2010
Be OK with Messy. You’ll be rewarded for your courage.
I love this:
“Committing yourself to doing something you’re not quite sure you can pull off and then moving into scramble mode, can be a pretty effective learning strategy. I made any number of false starts during, what I hope was for you at any rate, an enjoyable festive season. Transformational conversations are slippery things and are hard to get a good grasp of. Unlike transactional conversations that operate in the domain of what’s known and are, therefore, relatively tidy affairs, transformational conversations, because they are about matters not yet known, tend to be messy.”
This quote is from Brian Hayman’s latest newsletter. It resonated with me because I just had a messy but rewarding transformational conversation. I am working with a team and helping them develop their strategy. I went in cold yesterday with a list of possible things to discuss. I trusted my instincts on the right approach to use during the meeting. I didn’t have a stepwise process. The team conversation was energetic and enthusiastic and they accomplished more than I thought they would. I always amazed how much better strategic discussions can be when you improvise.
Brian, you’d be proud of me.
January 11, 2010
Don’t you hate it when someone you know offers free advice?
We all hate getting advice. Even if it is good advice. It is somehow condescending. Is it because parents tend to dole out advice about 100 times a day? Does it make us feel like children? Probably.
Given this, it is interesting and somewhat ironic that there is so much free advice around—blogs, articles, Oprah. This decade will certainly be remembered as one of free advice. Somehow getting advice from people we don’t know is OK. These people seem more like experts—somehow smarter than us.
I am frankly tired of reading and listening to all the free advice, even from people I don’t know. So, I pick my spots. In order for me to take your free advice, you need to really be an expert and a recognized expert. How do I know? I don’t always. I look for people who have extensive education or experience and highly successful track records. They must know more than me about a subject.
If you successfully ran a large company for many years or if you did your Ph d in business and are a member of an esteemed faculty, I am interested in your advice. Quite simply you must know more than I do. I am not interested in advice from people who are merely good at marketing themselves (unless I want advice about marketing myself).
