From the IMPACT Blog
June 12, 2009
Creating a Coaching Culture - Part One
It must be the economy. Every HR person I meet lately is interested in "creating a coaching culture". The way these HR people see it, a coaching culture will mean that everyone will coach more. They want to rely less on external coaches. Makes sense. Why pay someone for something when you can do it yourself? The nice thing about this economy is that everyone is doing more themselves.
I decided to write this blog in order to help my clients create that coaching culture.
This blog will be the first in a series.
May 25, 2009
The Sixty Percent Leader.
I was inspired to write this blog by a meeting with one particular client but I have to say that I had similar conversations with many people all week. Funny how lots of people seem to be thinking the same things at the same time.
This client was frustrated with the shortcomings of one of the leaders in his organization and spent a good part of the meeting complaining about the mistakes this leader had made. Rightly so, the leader is not perfect.
But who is perfect and why do we expect our leaders to be perfect? I'd like to suggest that there are two reasons for our high expectations. One, management literature has done a disservice to all of us in setting up standards around the "perfect leader". We all look for a leader who is inspirational and personally attractive to us. We look for a leader who knows what to do in every situation.
Two, there may be an answer rooted in psychology. We put leaders on pedestals and then are disappointed when they don't measure up. Sound like any teenagers you know? Sometimes when I listen to clients it reminds of Eric Bern and his theory of Transactional Analysis. He says we can analyze our transactions and determine if we are in either Parent-Child or Adult-Adult relationships with our peers. Our disappointment with leaders is much more closely aligned with Parent-Child than it is with Adult-Adult. An angry child might say to a parent "You let me down. You didn't give me what I wanted." An Adult relationship would look more like "Help me understand why you decided to implement this decision." Adult relationships according to Bern are relationships where both parties learn from one another.
There are probably other reasons for this "leader on a pedestal" phenomena. However, if you follow this blog, you'll know that the "why" for me is less important than the "what are you going to do about it?"
Here is what my client is going to do about it. Every time he feels frustrated with the inadequacies of leaders, he is going to think the following, "Sixty percent is good enough." Why did we pick sixty percent? It reminds us both that people (and leaders) are not perfect. Eighty percent seems too close to perfect. It also reminds us that leadership of a large group of people is complex and constantly changing. I work with a large number of very smart people. Not even a very smart person knows the right thing to do in every situation.
Sound like my standards aren't high enough? Maybe, but last time I checked leading an organization is very complex and no one, not even a leader, is perfect.
May 20, 2009
Get Over It
Last week I went to an emotional meeting at my kids' school. There were two groups of parents and two groups of teachers. Both sides were vested, both sides had valid but opposing opinions on a lingering issue, and everyone got more emotional as the evening wore on. Finally one of the parents stood up and said "get over it". It was the one comment that everyone needed to hear - no blame on either side, just get over it. The meeting progressed - we elected a new board, some decisions were made - we started to look ahead.
The evening reminded me of an article written by Marshall Goldsmith in 2008 called “The Best Leadership Advice I Ever Got”. In it, he talks about getting frustrated and bogged down by “stuff” you cannot change and turning into a complainer vs someone who moves forward. Leadership is not about pointing out everything that is wrong. That’s too easy. Leadership is about taking those imperfections and making things better.
So, instead of dwelling on the bad ... let’s just get over it.
http://blogs.harvardbusiness.org/goldsmith/2008/09/the_best_leadership_advice_i_e.html?loomia_ow=t0:s0:a38:g26:r13:c0.049112:b22125272
May 12, 2009
Give.
One of my clients sent the following comments to my most recent blog.
"Read your blog this morning about connecting with people – and I totally agree. I was at my networking meeting yesterday and we were discussing business development. One of our members brought a suggestion to the table, which I thought was so great. Instead of focusing your business development on selling yourself, focus it (particularly at this time given the tough economy) on helping others. Lending some free advice, listening to people’s issues and offering suggestions without any expectations of immediate work – I think this will pay off big in the long run."
I couldn't say it better myself. I am a big fan of free advice. Of course eventually you'll need to get paid but before you do, you should plan to be helpful. How else will people know if you are good? So, don't worry about what you are going to get from meetings. Think about what you can give. The more you give, the better you'll feel and the more your network will appreciate you and refer you to others. Nothing wrong with that.
May 07, 2009
The Best Coping Strategy. Bar None.
I am sitting on a conference call with a team of people. We are discussing dealing with stress. There are lots of ideas. Some people are exercising. Some have taken some time off. Some are diving into work. All of these ideas are good ones.
In my opinion, the single most effective coping strategy is to get out and connect personally with people. What do I mean by this? I mean calling people whom you like and yet haven't spoken to in a while. I mean getting out and meeting new people. I mean spending even more time with people you see often.
Why is this the best way to cope? Just being with people often makes you feel better. Talking to people about what is bothering you in a positive way can really help you work through change. Merely the act of talking releases stress. As you speak of what is bothering you, you feel that "thing" become smaller. In your head, it feels big. As you discuss it, it shrinks.
Talking to others also causes others to feel closer to you. When you open up about something that you care about it shows vulnerability and shows that you are "human". This causes people to feel more connected to you. It is human nature to want to be part of a community. As others feel more connected to you, you feel safer and more comfortable and so do they. That connection is exponential. So be honest and have enough courage to share what is really bothering you. Just do it in a professional way.
If you can't bring yourself to exercise, that's OK. At the very least, take someone for coffee or even better, take someone for a walk.
